Dust in the Wind
by MichaelaZacharias
Summary: A Dutch girl wakes up, somewhere in the USA. For years the people on Earth have been struggling with disasters, but now millions died and complete cities have vanished into the Earth. Our planet is not safe to live on anymore, but what should she do?
1. Prologue: Silent Ruins

_**A/N:** I just wanted to try something new, with the whole '12-21-2012' coming up and all the 'End Of The World'-things... Since I also had something like this in my head for quiet a while now, I thought: lets just do it!_

**Summary: **A Dutch girl wakes up, somewhere in the USA. For years the people on Earth have been struggling with disasters, but now millions died and complete cities have vanished into the Earth. Our planet is not safe to live on anymore, but what should she do? The girl is found by a soldier and joined with a group of other survivors. They are told to travel East, but she fears for the destructing force of the ocean.  
Will the group reach the East Coast? Will they survive other people? Will they out live Earth's disasters? Will they outlive each other? Or are they all _Dust In The Wind_?

* * *

**Prologue : Silent Ruins**

_'Now don't hang on. Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky'_

As she opened her eyes, a soft breeze stroke her cheek. Everything ached: her head, her ears, her legs, her fingers – everything. Slowly she sat up straight and looked around. A great empty, grey landscape emerged before her. Silence filled the once tall and proud city, which had turned into a graveyard. Buildings had mostly fallen apart. Small fires were still burning from huge explosions. The streets were – as far as she could see – covered with soulless bodies, exploded cars and bags.  
Gently she stood up. Though she knew what had happened, the memory was pushed away. Her ears ached and allowed no sound to enter, not even her own screams. Carefully the eighteen year old began walking. Pain entered her body with every step. Looking down, she saw what caused her pain. On her bare feet she walked through glass, rock and shattered dreams. Most of her body was covered in torn clothes, blood and dust. Yet onwards she kept walking. She could hear no sound – nothing at all. Not the crackling fire, the blowing wind, her footsteps, her breathing – not even her own heartbeat. Everything was so, dead. Still, she kept walking.

For hours she walked on, then suddenly she saw someone. Immediately she froze and looked. A soldier. A tall, lean man, with almost blond-brownish curls. He raised one hand, as he held his machine gun in the other. Doubtful she raised her arm too As he came closer, she saw he had a friendly face. He moved his lips, but she heard nothing. While he approached, she could feel her heartbeat racing up, though her world was still mute. The soldier eventually understood she did not hear him and gestured she should follow him. She took a good look at him. He looked trustworthy with friendly brown eyes. They were calming and she found comfort in them. She nodded and followed him. There was nothing left here for her anyway.

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Let me know what you think of it!

Top quote is from the song: '_Dust in the wind_' from _Kansas_ which I do not own


	2. Chapter 01: Dust and Shadows

**Chapter 01 : Dust and Shadows**

_'We mortal are but shadows and dust,' ~Proximo, _Gladiator

Again a small breeze stroke her face and awoke her. Slowly she opened her eyes. The sky was still grey, but not one single raincloud could be spotted. Her ears were filled with the sound of talking people around her. Some thirty people were around her. Some still sleeping, others talking to each other. Around the group of people stood several soldiers, guarding them. A friendly and familiar face sat down next to her and handed her a bowl of soup.

'Look,' he began with a sigh, 'I don't know if you can hear me, but here's some soup.'  
'Thank you,' she said and quickly began eating. The soldier smiled.  
'Alex Brown,' the soldier said and reached his hand.  
'Lotte de Vechter,' she said and shook his hand.  
'Lotte the what?' Alex repeated frowning, it was always funny to hear Americans try saying her name.  
'Lotte de Vechter,' she said again, 'I'm Dutch.'  
'I see,' Alex said smiling. Lotte giggled, so far there was at least one person in the group which she liked. She guessed around 28, but saw no need to ask him.

When Lotte had eaten all of her soup, Alex brought her to Martha. Martha Evans was the wife of preacher Pascal and was like everyone's favorite aunt. Big, smiling lady, at the end of her fifties, with love to fill the whole world. She helped Lotte wash herself and bound some wounds, though most were just small scrapings. While Martha combed Lotte's brown curls and hummed _Amazing Grace_, Lotte's thought drifted of to the late events. Mankind had been proven small, vulnerable and mortal. At the beginning of 2013, Earth started 'awakening', as some scientist had called it. more and more natural disasters followed each other in a rapid speed. Earthquakes, erupting volcano's, tsunamis, tornado's, hurricanes, avalanches, limnic eruptions, cyclonic storms but the worst of all: it stopped raining. Since the end of September 2013, not one single raindrop had fallen out of the sky. Despite the danger, Lotte and some college-friends still wanted to spend their holiday in the USA. Lotte studied in Zwolle to become a Social Worker, but could not return to her study after their two weeks. The disasters had become bigger, fiercer and stronger. Not one person was safe. Daily, thousands of people died. Eventually, C43-TR (they started naming all the tornado's like that, since there were just too many) hit the town Lotte had just arrived in. She tried to hide, but lost her friends, panicked, ran outside and blacked out.  
A gentle, warm hand touched the tear-wet cheek of Lotte. Martha looked at her with motherly eyes, filled with love and warmth, and hugged Lotte. Softly whispering it was alright to cry, it was alright to be vulnerable – the same thing they had told Lotte over and over again at college. So Lotte cried, out of grief, anger and the fact there was nothing she could do about it. Eventually, Lotte had run out of tears and looked at Martha. Both smiled at each other. At least they had each other.  
'Here,' Martha said, handing some clothes, 'these should be your size.'  
'Thank you,' Lotte said and smiled when she saw the Batman logo on the sweater, 'Cool.'  
'It was my daughters,' Martha said smiling.  
'Thanks, Martha,' Lotte said, more serious this time.  
'I'll leave you alone,' Martha said with a smile, 'I'll be outside if you need me!' And with those words she closed the door of what could be the only closeable room in this part of town. Lotte looked at the clothes. A light blue jeans, black singlet, blue T-shirt with _University of Oxford_ on it, underwear, fake _All Stars_ and the Batman sweater. Lotte dried her green-brown eyes, made a ponytail of her brown curl and dressed herself. It fitted just fine, not perfect, but good enough.

'Everyone, gather around,' a soldier said, Lotte guessed him around the same age as Alex. Together with the other people, Lotte fathered around the soldier who stood on – well some rocks. He had a strong, sever face with very short dark brown hair. He looked serious and troubled, so different from Alex who stood at his left side.  
'My name is captain Jason Smith and I'll be leading this unit,' he began, 'The people who are standing beside you – are the people who you'll be taking care of. This is a pretty big group of survivors and that's good, but to keep on surviving everyone will have to take care of each other. We have been ordered to travel East and so we shall.'  
'Well, he's polite,' Robin, a girl with whom Lotte had been talking for a while, whispered sarcastically in Lotte's ear. Lotte covered her mouth so no-one would see she was laughing.  
'How do we get there?' a man yelled.  
'A bus will arrive soon,' the captain said, 'Which means we'll be pretty safe.'  
'Save? Save from who?' Robin yelled. Lotte looked at her new 'friend'. Just like Lotte, Robin was not very tall. Robin had dark, straight hair and bright blue eyes.  
'Other people,' captain Jason said serious, 'There are other survivors who want to claim the World for themselves now. In their eyes, you either join them, or die. Which means everyone should be careful. Don't go anywhere alone or without telling us. Look after each other and don't do anything just for you.'  
'Are there any questions?' Alex said, immediately Robin raised her arm.  
'Will the bus make it all the way East?' she said, standing on her toes, trying to see the soldier.  
'Most of the journey, yes,' captain Jason immediately said, though Alex did not look so sure.  
'What can we bring along?' a fake blond yelled.  
'The clothes you're wearing, food and water,' Jason replied shortly, 'Next.'  
'What exactly is there in the East?' Lotte asked, because as far as she knew there was only the ocean. And where there was an ocean, there would be tsunamis.  
'A safe place,' he said, 'I don't know what exactly since it has been a top secret project. All I know is that, whatever there is in the East, it is our last hope of surviving. Now, if that was all you better prepare yourself and start pairing up for the bus.'  
Robin looked at Lotte and raised her eyebrows. Lotte did the same and both nodded. They were a pair. Some other people took more time, but within 15 minutes all thirty-three people had found a buddy. Well almost everyone, since they were an uneven number. But Jurou Madouka did not mind sitting alone, he had said with his Japanese accent. Beside the thirty-three people, there were ten soldiers. Lotte noticed she was the youngest of the group. Beside the preacher and his wife, who were at their late fifties, there was on old lady with white hair who could be seventy. But furthermore, most of people of the group were between 25 and 35. The soldiers, she heard from Robin, were all between the 25 and the 30. Lotte had been right: both Alex and Jason were 28. Robin said she was thrilled with the arrival of Lotte, since she used to be the youngest with her 23 years, but now it was Lotte with her 18 years.  
'Where are all the children?' Lotte suddenly asked. A small group of people around her turned silence and looked around. Where were the children indeed?

When they finally reached the edge of the town, no one dared to say a word. Before them the earth was covered with even more bodies, all trying to run to the East. They found the children of the town. Holding hands with each other and sometimes with an adult, the children laid on the ground – dead. In silence the group passed the corpses. Robin and Lotte held each others hand, afraid by the surrounding death. Suddenly Lotte spotted something on her left, not too far from her. a woman! Sitting up straight, in the middle of the field of death. Without thinking, Lotte let go of Robins hand and walked towards the woman. She could hear some people say her name, but she kept on walking and quickly reached the woman. The once beautiful African-American woman sat defeated in the field, more dead than alive. Around her laid several children, her children. She had laid them as if they were laying in a coffin. A small boy still lived though, and sat close to his mother – though she seemed to ignore him.  
'Ma'am?' Lotte said softly, not knowing what to do or say. Captain Jason appeared, gun ready in his hands. But when he saw the woman and her children, he said nothing.  
'Sh, you'll wake them,' the woman whispered. Lotte bit her lip and fought against the tears.  
'Ma'am, they're gone,' Lotte said, laying her hand on the woman's shoulder, 'But you and your son are still here. You can come with us.'  
'I'm not leaving my babies,' she said fierce.  
'What about your son? He needs you,' with those words, the woman looked at the little boy.  
'Matthew? He isn't my son,' she said and pushed him away, 'I have three children, not four.'  
'Don't say that,' Lotte said, 'He needs you. Please, come with us.'  
'If you want him, take him!' the woman almost yelled, 'I aint taking care of him no more!'  
'Ma'am, there's no need for yelling,' the captain said fierce and strong.  
'Why not? Will I wake the dead? We are all dead already! There is nothing here for us! Not here, not somewhere else, nowhere!' she yelled fierce, 'All we are, is dust and shadows – thinking we are so strong and so good. No, soldier, I aint leaving my children behind.'  
'Come on,' captain Jason said to Lotte.  
'You can't leave her!' Lotte said wide-eyed.  
'I'm going and you can come along, or stay here,' the captain said simple.  
'Ma'am, please-' Lotte laid her hand on the woman's shoulder again.  
'No!' the woman yelled and jumped up, pushing the little Matthew towards Lotte, who could only just catch him, 'Go away! Leave me be! I don't want nothing to do with the dark matters you're getting involved in. GO AWAY!'  
Lotte looked at the woman with tears in her eyes, as the little Matthew began crying. Captain Jason started walking. Matthew tried to walk back to him mother, but she pushed him away. Again he tried, but again he was roughly pushed away. Matthew had lost his mother, he realized and sat on the ground crying. The woman looked into Lotte's eyes.  
'He's your dust now,' she said bitter. And with those words, she turned her back to them and sat down. Once more, Matthew tried to get back to his mother, but again was pushed away. Now he looked to Lotte, with his wet brown eyes. Lotte picked him up and walked away.  
'Momma! Momma!' Matthew cried and screamed as Lotte got back to the group.  
'What the hell was that!' captain Jason yelled fierce.  
'I couldn't just leave them there, could I?' Lotte yelled back.  
'You could have killed us all!' his yelling only made Matthew cry louder and Lotte could feel his entire body shake.  
'Of course not!'  
'Make him stop!'  
'Look, captain. You might be worried about our lives. But when I see a mother and the only living child in this graveyard, I am more than willing to risk my live for that kid!'  
'Listen to me,' the captain hissed, standing close to her now, 'He will be your responsibility. Where you are, he will be too. You will make sure he is safe and you will make sure he is fed, that he drinks. Understood?'  
'Thank you,' Lotte said. For a moment they looked in each others eyes. His hard grey eyes and her still teary green-brown eyes. Eventually the young captain turned around.  
'Move on,' he said short and loud and the group began walking again. Matthew still cried as fierce as he did first. In the distance a bus approached them. It used to be a bright yellow school bus, was repainted like an army bus.  
'That was very brave, Lotte,' Martha said, trying to pronounce her name as good as she could.  
'Thank you,' Lotte said, trying to calm down Matthew.  
'I just want you to know, if you need any help, you can come to me,' Martha smiled.  
'I really appreciate it right now,' Lotte said with a helpless smile.  
'Now, my child, our little friend just needs to cry. For as small as he is, he understands he has lost his mother,' Martha sighed, 'All you can do, is love him and let him decide how he will see you.'  
'What do you mean?'  
'Well, you might think you're his mother right now, but he might think differently about that. Perhaps he will see you as his mother, but he just as well could see you as a sister, or a niece, of an aunt. Don't force him, give him space and love.'  
'How do you know all that?' Lotte started to get a bit of an headache of the crying Matthew, but knew in her heart that Martha was right. Her psychology teacher had once said the same.  
'Our youngest child was an adoptive child,' Martha smiled.

By the time they had reached the bus, Matthew had fallen asleep on Lotte's shoulder. Hayden, their chauffeur – as he called himself, was an enthusiastic happy man around his thirties. He welcomed everyone on _his_ bus, placed his NY-cap on backwards and began their journey East. Robin now sat next to Jurou, so Matthew could sit next to Lotte. Almost all the seats were for the group. The long backseat would be for the soldiers as would the be the first two seats at the left side. Lotte sat down on the right side (if you would enter the bus and watch over the seats) on the sixth place. Instead of the bus-chairs she was used to, there were more small couches where two people could sit. Lotte placed Matthew by the window and sat down by the clearance. When she sat down, Matthew immediately fell against her, still deep asleep. Lotte could not help but smile. She kissed his head and saw captain Jason looking at her from the beginning of the bus.  
As the landscape filled with death passed them by, Lotte could not help but think back of what the woman had said. _We are all dead already! There is nothing here for us! Not here, not somewhere else, nowhere! All we are, is dust and shadows – thinking we are so strong and so good._ How could someone give up hope, while they still have child left? Even though Lotte did not know the name of the woman, she felt so sorry for her. But on the other side, against all the brutal forces of nature, humans looked like pitiful shadows indeed. And now they were even traveling to the East coast. What could dust ever do against the crushing force of water?

_All we are, is dust and shadows._ Michaela might be forgotten by everyone, but her words would echo on for a long time.

* * *

Let me know what you think of it!

Top quote is from the movie _Gladiator_ (2000) and I do not own that.


	3. Chapter 02: Trying To Accept

**Chapter 02: Trying To Accept**

'_You cannot say to the sun 'More sun'. Or to the rain 'Less rain'.' ~Sayuri, Memoirs of a Geisha_

With a small gasps, Lotte woke up. Slowly she exhaled when she saw she was still inside the safe bus, though in her head the screams of dying people still echoed. Before her, she could see the sun slowly rising. It was beautiful. Matthew was still sleeping, thumb in his mouth and pressed close against her. She must have had her cheek against his head all the night, for her neck felt like it was smashed with a hammer. Gently she kissed his head and stroke his deep black curls. Lotte looked around the bus, most of the group was still asleep. Were they going to make it? Was it really safe in the East? Lotte wanted to trust the soldiers, but after what happened yesterday she was not so sure about the captain anymore. Did he really mean what he said yesterday? It sounded to her like he was willing to leave her behind. But did he also really mean it? On one hand she really wanted to ask him, but on the other hand she realized that in the bus there was not the place to talk about something like that. Lotte looked to her left and saw a city in the distance. Could there be any survivors there? Or would everyone be dead? Lotte thought the last, since there were only a few houses still standing. All other buildings had vanished, fallen to the ground. It made Lotte feel something, so many things at once. Anger, fear, grief, but most of all vulnerable. That on one hand almost made her cry, but on the other hand made her wish she could turn her feelings off. Yet, when she looked at the little boy sleeping against her, underneath her arm – Lotte felt such a deep and strong urge to keep on fighting, no matter what.  
'Momma, momma,' Matthew murmured.  
'Sh,' Lotte said, stroking his head. Slowly he sat up, opened his eyes one by one, rubbing them with both hands. He smacked a few times and looked around.  
'Where's my momma?' he asked, looking at Lotte.  
'Matthew, do you remember what happened yesterday?' Lotte tried carefully. The little boy wrinkled his brow for a moment and thought deep.  
'I think so,' he said.  
'Can you tell me what you remember?' Lotte had read about this crisis method on school, but was not sure if it could be used on children, nor if she was doing it right.  
'Momma doesn't love me anymore,' he said and started sobbing again. Lotte put her arms around the little boy and pressed him close against her.  
'Listen to me, Matthew, listen close,' she cleared her throat, 'Your mother – she had no idea what she was doing. I believe she still loved you, but she just did not know who she was anymore.'  
'Where's mom now?'  
'Do you believe in God, Matthew?' Lotte did not know any other way how to tell him else. She was not going to lie to him, despite his age.  
'Yes, and Jesus too,' the little boy said.  
'Well, your mom is with them now,' Lotte said, 'She's in Heaven.'  
'Momma's dead?' the little boy said with big eyes.  
'Yes, sweetie,' she said and wanted to swing her arm around him again, but he backed off.  
'I'm not your sweetie!' he said fierce, 'And you're not my momma!'  
'I know,' she said, 'And I don't want to force you into seeing me as anything. I'm Lotte, and you can call me Lotte.'  
'No, I want my momma!'  
'Listen, Matthew, you're mother is gone,' Lotte said and slightly bend over so she could look him straight in his eyes, 'But before she went, she made me promise her that I would take of you.'  
'You're not my momma!'  
'I'm not your momma, indeed!' she repeated soft, but clear, 'All I do, is take care of you. I'll be Lotte to you and you'll be Matthew to me, alright?'  
'Nothing more?' it seemed like he understood now.  
'We could be friends?' Lotte tried. For a moment the little boy looked around, he knew no one on the bus. 'Would you like to be friends?'  
'I think so,' he said and sniffed. Lotte smiled and opened her arms.  
'Can I get a hug, buddy?'  
'Alright, buddy,' Matthew said and swung his arms around Lotte.  
'Good morning,' Lotte looked around and saw the always smiling face of Alex. Matthew's eyes widened when they saw the soldier.  
'Morning Alex,' Lotte saw the large white eyes on the brown face, 'Matthew, this is my friend: Alex. Alex, this is my buddy: Matthew.'  
'Nice to meet you, buddy,' Alex said with a wink, and shook Matthew's hand.  
'Are you a real soldier?' Matthew blurred, Lotte smiled.  
'Yes, I am,' Alex said, 'just like the other nine here.'  
'My dad was a soldier too,' Matthew said, looking a bit sad.  
'Really? Did he also have strong arms like a soldier?'  
'He had _huge _biceps,' Matthew bragged, making large arm movements.  
'Do you have strong muscles like him too? Come on, let me see!' Matthew made a fist and bend his arm, trying as hard as he could.  
'Wow, those are big!' Alex said, 'Hey, could you do something for me?'  
'Sure, soldier!'  
'Lotte-' he still had trouble pronouncing her name, '-here is a good friend of mine, and I would really appreciate it if a strong bloke like you could keep an eye on her, you know. Safety and so.'  
'You think I could do that?' Matthew said gasping.  
'I know you can, little buddy,' Alex said, 'You'll be like a junior soldier, if you will.'  
'I think you can do that too,' Lotte encouraged him.  
'I could try,' Matthew said and his face turned into a smile.  
'You see that man?' Alex pointed towards Jason, he stood with his back to them at the beginning of the bus – completely blocking the passage, 'He's our captain, captain Smith, he's in charge. But, he's also a good friend of mine – so be nice to him, alright junior soldier?'  
'Yes, sir!' Matthew said and saluted.  
'Stand down,' Alex smiled and wanted to walk away. Lotte grabbed his arm.  
'Thank you,' she said softly, he just smiled.  
'Lottey,' Matthew tapped her on her shoulder, and whispered close to her ear, 'I don't have to shoot anybody do I?'  
'Sweet-, I mean; buddy,' she said and took his hands, 'Protecting people is not always with guns. Sometimes the best way to protect people, is to love them – and have faith. And right now, I won't even let you touch a gun, alright?'  
'Alright,' he nodded, 'and Lottey?'  
'Yes?'  
'I have to pee.'

An hour and a half later, the bus stopped. Matthew quickly ran out, with his hands between his legs, and Lotte followed him. Most of the group quickly ran with their buddies to a private place. Lotte felt quiet relieved when Matthew told her, he could go to the bathroom by himself just fine. But still she knew she had to be with him, or at least close to him. As Matthew did his thing, he started singing a song Lotte did not know. Quickly she looked around, pulled her pants down and saved her bladder. When Matthew returned, she was already done and was waiting for him with a smile.  
'You didn't look, did you?' he said suspicious in his torn clothes.  
'No, Matthew,' she smiled, 'Come let's see if we can find some other clothes for you.'  
'Alright,' he sighed and walked back with her to the group.  
'Why don't you go and ask Alex for some clothes, I'll help Mrs. Evans with the food,' Lotte said, pointing towards Alex.  
'Alright,' Matthew said and ran towards the soldier. Lotte smiled at the little running kid and walked towards Martha. Together with some other woman, Martha was cooking a large pan above a fire made by the soldiers.  
'Seems like things are going well, aren't they?' Martha said, looking at Lotte. Lotte sighed.  
'I didn't expect it to be so hard, so intense,' she said looking for the right word in English.  
'Well, to me it looks like you're doing a good job,' Robin smiled as she was slicing some mushrooms.  
'He'll be fine, child,' Martha said, 'We all just need to find our rhythm, get used to each other, to this situation.'  
'I guess so,' Lotte said, 'I know I do.'  
'Girl, we all do!' Robin smiled.  
'Here, slice some paprika's,' Martha said with a wink.

'Our Father which art in Heaven,' the preacher began, he had ginger hair and a thick ginger beard, 'before this lovely dinner, we want to thank You for protecting us so far. We want to thank You for brining us together. Bless us, with patience and love, so we can make it all the way to the East. Give our soldiers strength to protect us, and give us eyes to look for more survivors. Let this food be to strengthen our bodies, so we can continue our journey. Amen.'  
'Amen,' the group replied. Though most of the people never believed in any kind of God, in the terrifying situation they found themselves now, praying gave them some sort of hope and the feeling they had something in common.  
'Bon Appétit,' Alex smiled and started eating. Several others murmured something like that, but most of them were already busy eating.  
'Eat your vegetables,' Lotte said, when she saw Matthew was leaving them on the side of his plate.  
'I'm not eating them,' he said stubborn.  
'You are, mister,' Lotte said severe.  
'You're not my mom!' he yelled. Lotte could feel the eyes of several people in the group, burning in her back.  
'No, I am not, but I am the one who has to take care of you and who is responsible for you!' Lotte said loud, 'And I want you to grow up and become a strong man, but that won't happen if you don't eat your vegetables!'  
'Than I won't eat anything,' he placed the plate on the ground and folded his arms. Lotte raised her eyebrows and took the plate.  
'Fine with me, we have forty-four stomachs to fill,' she said, 'This plate will end up empty, one way or the other. But know: when we get back in that bus, there is not one single way you can get this food again, understood?'  
'Fine,' he said fierce and looked deep in her eyes. Lotte placed the plate down and returned to her dinner. When Lotte looked up, she looked straight into the eyes of Jason. She could see no emotion in it.  
'I'm sorry,' Matthew muttered.  
'What did you say?' Lotte said and looked at him. Half she really did not hear him, and half she wanted him to understand what he was saying.  
'I'm sorry, Lottey,' he said again, 'I'll eat my vegetables.'  
'Alright, buddy,' she said and handed him his plate, 'Let's try not to fight, alright?'  
'Well,' he sighed like she asked something really difficult of him, 'I'll try!'  
'Great,' she smiled.

'Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four-' Ewan slowly tapped both Matthew as Lotte when they wanted to enter the bus.  
'Lotte, a word,' captain Jason said and grabbed her arm. Matthew looked at her with big eyes.  
'I'll be right there, save my seat,' she said reassuring, but felt the tension rising as she walked to the end of the bus with the captain.  
'Look, I don't think you fully understand the situation,' he said.  
'Excuse me?' Lotte said a bit confused.  
'Do you even know what is going on right now?'  
'What are you talking about?'  
'People are dying, every single day, the Earth is torn beneath our feet, and you are just playing with that kid!'  
'Don't treat me like a child!' Lotte yelled, her eyes filled with tears, 'Don't pretend that I don't know what is happening! I know my friends died. I know I will never see my family again! I don't even believe the East is really safe for us! God, I don't even know if we will make it! The only thing, the only light – the only glimpse of hope I have right now, is that little boy.'  
'Lotte,' Jason was a bit startled by her reaction. Lotte now looked at him through thick tears.  
'I don't know, Jason,' Lotte cried, 'It all just seems like the worst dream I've ever had – and I just can't get out of it. It just seems to endless…'  
'Captain?' Alex turned around the corner and looked surprised at the crying Lotte and the confused captain. Lotte covered her face, while Jason shook his head and walked away.  
'Come here,' Alex said, and wrapped his arms around her. For a moment Lotte could truly feel again. She wrapped her arms around the tall, strong soldier and felt safe. He was her friend, her brother.  
'I'm sorry,' he said with a sigh, 'Jason's just…'  
'It's alright,' Lotte said and looked at him, 'He's – he's our captain, he's just trying to look out for us.'  
'Right,' he said and smiled, as he always did.  
'I just need to find a way to deal with this, I need to find my way,' Lotte said.  
'You'll find it,' Jason assured her, 'You and your little buddy.'  
'I do hope so,' Lotte said and swallowed her tears.  
'You'll be alright,' Alex smiled and hugged her once more, 'now get on the bus or we'll miss it!'

* * *

Let me know what you think of it!

Top quote is from the movie _Memoirs of a Geisha_ (2005) and I do not own it.


	4. Chapter 03: Whispered Shouts

**Chapter 03: Whispered shouts**

'_Rise, and rise again, until lambs become lions,' ~ Robin Hood_

With a small gasp, Lotte woke up, but immediately let her head fall back. At the beginning of the bus Jona, one of the guarding soldiers, looked at her. Lotte smiled to show him she was fine. He nodded and returned to the front. By now, she was used to wake up in the middle of the night. But never would she get used to the all those nightmares. Yawning, she turned her head and looked over the black curls of the little boy sleeping close to her. Outside the world was deep black and ever so empty. Yet for the first time since she had set foot inside the bus, Lotte saw stars shining. Small, but brightly shining lights. Some formed animals, other mythological persons or creatures, and others just decorated the skies. Lotte looked at them and felt calm deep inside. They were so beautiful. The longer she looked, the more there appeared. Lotte wrapped the itchy woolen blanket closer around her and yawned again – she would get back to sleep easily this night. Just when Lotte wanted to go back to sleep, she heard someone.  
'Pst!' it sounded so loud through the sleeping bus, 'Pst, Robin to Batman, come in Batman!'  
'Ssh,' Jona said clear, looking over his shoulder. Lotte smiled and lifted her thumb into the air. A few footsteps were heard, followed by the friendly face of Robin.  
'Scooch over,' Robin whispered. Carefully Lotte lifted Matthew up, moved to the window and laid Matthew in her arms like a baby. Matthew did not notice a thing and slept right through, while Robin sat down next to him.  
'Can't sleep too, huh,' Lotte whispered.  
'No,' Robin replied soft with a smile towards Matthew. In the past eleven days, the two had med each other and started a friendship. Lotte thought it was like spending your holiday on a camping: you easily made friends and cliques were quickly made. The only difference was that they had no idea how long they would be together, nor where they were going. Plus they were fighting to survive, haunted by death – which does not happen all that much on a regular holiday.  
'Do you think we'll make it?' the softly whispered question of Robin awoke Lotte from her dreaming, 'That is, if there truly is something for us to reach.'  
'What do you mean?' Lotte just had her trust back in the soldier, or she could better say: she just learned to trust the soldiers.  
'Come on. How much more reserve gas do you think they have? And what about food? Or water? My God, there are forty-four of us!'  
'Why don't you ask them?' even though they were whispering, Lotte knew for sure the three awoke soldiers could hear them.  
'And risk open war with captain J? No, thank you,' Robin stroke though her hair and took a deep breath, 'Look, I caught a glimpse of the trunk yesterday and I swear to God, Lotte, it's half empty.'  
'Do you believe in God?' it had always annoyed Lotte when people swore with 'God' or 'Jesus'. Not that she was a religious person, or was she? On one hand she was sure the God of the Bible was true, but on the other hand she had trouble accepting a God with a love so deep.  
'I – I don't know,' Robin said a bit startled, 'All I know is that we'll never make it all the way East if we keep eating like this. Not alive, at least.'  
'Have faith, my child,' Lotte smiled, 'Since preacher P is sleeping, I'll say it for him.'  
'I'm serious, Lotte!' Robin hissed.  
'Look, I don't know,' Lotte replied, 'If they think we can make it, than we will. Perhaps there is some sort of fort halfway where we can get new supplies.'  
'Do you really think so?' Robin said, clearly not believing her.  
'No,' Lotte sighed, 'All I'm trying to say is that we should trust them. No-one knows how we'll end up!'  
'Ssh,' Jona said cleared now.  
'I guess we'd better go back to sleep,' Lotte smiled.  
'Good night,' Robin smiled and walked back to her seat. Still smirking, Lotte returned to her place and wrapped herself in the itchy blanket. Once more she looked at the stars, but found no comfort in them now. For she knew, Robin was right.

'Alright, listen close,' the strong captain said loud. The group had stopped for breakfast and was just walking a bit around the bus to get some exorcise, when the scouting soldiers returned from the village not too far from them.  
'We'll be going into the town, all of us except the scouts, they'll stay here to protect the bus. This way, the bus can cool down, Mr. H. can get some sleep and we get some better exorcise and let's pray we also find some food and water.'  
'Can I get a Hallelujah!' the tired bus driver sighed with a smile.  
'See!' Robin hissed to Lotte, but she did not response.  
'Keep close to each other and do not enter a building unless we say it's safe. Questions?'  
'Are there any…you know…' Glenn, a huge bloke with a heart of gold asked carefully.  
'Survivors? No,' was the short answer of Jason, 'But neither are there any corpses.'  
'Where do we leave the food, if we find any?' Catelynn, the redheaded Irish woman asked. Matthew giggled when he heard her talking.  
'We'll hand out bags,' Jason said, 'If that is all.'  
'What if we do find any survivors?' the preacher asked.  
'With all due respect, preacher, if you find any survivors,' Jason said, 'I'll give you a medal and name you first marksman.'

'I don't want to go there,' Matthew said when Lotte swung the bag over her shoulder. He was not stubborn, he was scared. Lotte sunk through her knees and took his hand. Like most others, Lotte was not filled with excitement about entering the village too.  
'Why not?' she asked, though she could already guess the answer, 'We'll only be looking for food there.'  
'What if there are…'he stopped and whispered, '…dead people?'  
'Well, you heard the soldiers, didn't you?' Lotte said, trying to smile and look friendly, 'The town is empty. And if they say that, we should trust them, don't you think?'  
'I guess so,' the little man sighed.  
'You know what? I'll hold your hand and you'll hold mine, and I won't let go until we're back at the bus. That way, we'll both be safe the entire time.'  
'Promise?' Matthew seemed to like the idea, but above all: he trusted her.  
'I would never lie to my best friend, would I?'  
'No,' Matthew smiled. He took Lotte's hand and they followed the others. Captain Jason passed them, counting as he looked at the group.  
'Hé mister!' Matthew said, 'you better know what you're saying. We trust you.' Jason did not know what to say and looked from Matthew to Lotte, back to Matthew – and just smiled.

The town looked a lot like the rest of the landscape Lotte had seen so far. Grey, dusty, crumbled off, dry and lifeless. As Lotte held Matthew's hand and sang _This little light of mine_ over and over (it seemed to calm him down), she looked around to find something, anything. Food. Water. Survivors. A glimpse of hope. A flower or anything green. But found nothing. Matthew seemed quite calm now, but still held her hand firmly. They turned around a corner and could see the captain at the end of another street, some 200 feet from them. He smiled at them. It made him look kind, vulnerable. The fact that he had heard her sing made her blush, of shame and – of what actually?  
All of the sudden the ground started shaking. Matthew yelled and started crying as even more parts of the buildings started falling. Nearby, Lotte could hear the Earth crack open and cries of agony were quickly followed. Quickly she lifted Matthew up, but could only look around. Where should she go? What was safe? Should she run? Should she hide? It was so difficult to think while the ground beneath her foot shook like jelly. Within a few seconds a strong hand took her arm and pulled her along. Jason roughly pushed her against a tall door as Matthew cried his lungs out.  
'Half wood, half metal, won't break!' Jason yelled over the noise, slamming the door. For a glimpse of a second, Jason looked over his shoulder, than he pressed himself against the two. Lotte wrapped one arm around his waist and pressed her face against his chest, as Jason wrapped one arm around her and one around her and Matthew. The ground brutally shook beneath their feet and the loud noise of falling brinks made their bodies tremble, but the door stood its ground. And just as sudden as the cruel violence had begun, it stopped. All that remained was the crying Matthew, the calming city and the pants and racing heartbeat of Lotte and Jason. Jason backed off and saw the slightly bleeding hand of Lotte, which had been on his waist.  
'You're wounded,' he said.  
'I'm fine,' she replied quickly and sat down against the strong door, rocking the crying boy in her arms. Sudden screams of despair filled the town. Immediately Jason turned and ran towards it, while Lotte remained, trying to calm Matthew.  
'Matthew, look at me,' she said with a sweet voice, 'It's alright now. We're alright. Sh, calm down.' But it was no good, the little man threw himself in her arms and kept on crying. Perhaps it was the best for him right now. Perhaps it was the best for her too right now, she thought, as she felt her limps shake and tears flow over her cheek.

After a while, Lotte arrived back at the bus. Matthew had stopped crying, but was still sobbing a bit. From a distance, she had seen a large gap in the ground, but had not gone any closer for Matthews sake – or was it for her own sake too? As soon as Alex saw Lotte, he walked up to her and embraced her and was quickly followed by Robin.  
'Thank God. Are you alright?' he said, taking a good look at both of them.  
'What happened to your hand?' Robin asked worried, though she herself has some scratches on her face too.  
'Thirty-six, thirty-seven,' Lotte heard Harries, the oldest soldier, count.  
'I'm fine, didn't the captain tell you?' just thirty-seven?  
'He – he hasn't returned yet,' Robin said.  
'What? But he was fine last time I saw him!'  
'I saw him in the city and told me he would look for survivors,' Alex explained.  
'Alone?' Lotte almost yelled.  
'Children, please. For all we know, he is helping someone now,' the preacher interrupted. Lotte was so relieved to see he was alright!  
'Look!' Hugh, a well build, bearded bloke suddenly yelled and pointed towards the town.  
'Thirty-eight,' Harries said with a smile or relieve. Jason had returned, but everyone saw he was walking alone.  
'Was there no-one else?' granny asked when Jason had reached the group. Jason shook his head, looking down.  
'Let us take a moment of silence,' the preacher said and everyone bend their heads. Softly Lotte could hear Jason whisper the six names of the people they had lost.  
_Lyza McKenzie.  
__Simon Malony.  
__Clark Jamesson.  
__Stefanie Houston.  
__Amelia Isaiahs  
__Zoë and Cloë Jones.  
_'What do we do now?' Irene asked with a sigh and tears filled her eyes as she stroke through her dark hair.  
'We go on,' Jason concluded, his voice sounded bitter.  
'What?' Hugh blurred.  
'Hugh,' Glenn tried to calm him down by laying his hand on Hugh's shoulder, but Hugh pushed it off.  
'How many lives are you willing to sacrifice for your little safety dream? How many must die before you realize we'll never make it!'  
'Listen, sir,' Jason roared, stepping closer, 'I'm not doing this for myself! I'm carrying out an order which is to get as many people as I can into safety. And yes, I don't know what there really is in the East, but I do know that it is better and safer than this graveyard here! I may fall, but I will always be right up to protect your sorry ass! Today we lost six people. Six lives gone. Six time my fault, and I know that.'  
'Captain,' Alex tried, but Jason did not listen.  
'I made a mistake, a horrible mistake – I know. But I will not sit down and feel sorry! I will go on and do my best to remember them!' for a moment he paused and looked around, 'Now you can either go with us, or you can stay here and die. The choice is yours.'  
'Well, what are we waiting for,' Martha spoke after a tensed silence, she was clearly emotional, 'Let's get on that bus and keep moving, captain.'

A few nights later, in the silence presence of the stars, Lotte looked around the bus. It was still so strange to see the six empty seats. She thought of what captain Jason had said. He was right. There was no giving up right now. They had to keep going, had to keep trying – until they at last would reach the East.

* * *

Let me know what you think of it!

Top quote is from the movie _Robin Hood_(2010) and I do no own it.


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